Thoughtless. It’s hard not to read that word and immediately have your mind drift to its negative connotations: not showing consideration for the needs of other people, without consideration of the possible consequences.
I’ve found myself immersed inside this definition over the last several weeks. I can’t explain why this occurs, and it’s a vulnerable thing to admit. I get so tied up with the thoughts in my head, overthinking things that shouldn’t be a thing, paralyzing my mind and actions with too much analysis. Some call it rumination. Others refer to it as chewing the cud. That latter one is the furthest thing from the truth for me, since its definition suggests thinking slowly and carefully about something. On the flip side, my thoughts are racing at breakneck speed around a racetrack, colliding with a new barrier at every turn.
Why am I allowing myself to dive deeper into this rabbit hole of the very thing that’s caused so much angst in my life over the past month? There’s actually a good reason (I hope), and I better start redirecting my path in that direction now, for fear of driving straight off that racetrack and not finding my way back to the metaphorical pavement.
Let’s return to that opening word of this random outpouring: thoughtless. Is it possible that we can look at this word from a different perspective? What if, instead of seeing the word thoughtless as a lack of consideration, we simply see it as an absence of thoughts. Do you feel a shift in your mood about the word after hearing that? Does your internal radar sense a slight uptick in your perception of its new meaning?
It’s funny (not funny) that I can sit still for hours on end, but my thoughts always seem to race at the speed of a triple espresso shot. On the outside, I might appear cool, calm, and collected for most of the time, but there’s an over-the-top and anxiety-ridden adrenaline rush happening inside my mind for too much of every day. And eventually, the internalization of those pent-up feelings is released in unhealthy and unproductive ways. This cycle is utterly exhausting, which is why that second definition of thoughtless found me at the most needed time.
I’m not a traditional meditator, for the reasons stated above. Yes, I can sit still with my feet flat on the ground and breathe deeply, but I can’t seem to quiet those internal thoughts. And yes, I understand that it takes practice, and I’ve tried, but up until this point, I have been less than successful. But that’s when I realized that it’s not how you meditate which matters, it’s that you find a way that works for you.
Several different occurrences over the past several weeks have awoken me to this important realization. Driving in my car for hours. Writing these words. Watching the ocean waves crash along the shoreline rhythmically, over and over again. They’re all meditating for me. They distract me from those thoughts in my head that attempt to take control of my life. Each of these activities allows me to focus on something having to do with my senses (or sense of self), such that I’m given a reprieve from the triple shot of espresso feeling that seems to happen on a daily basis.
So, what’s really the point of all this? I suppose it’s that there is always more than one way to look at a situation. Whether it’s the definition of a word or how we go about handling the goings on of our daily life, when something gets overwhelming, it’s good to take a step back, find something unique to you that helps us to become thoughtless in all the right ways and quiet the maelstrom in our heads. There’s a calmness and serenity waiting for us on the other side of that storm.
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